#LIES OF P PINOCCHIO FACE MOVIE#
#LIES OF P PINOCCHIO FACE FULL#

The film ends with everyone getting swallowed by a whale named Monstro, because this movie is top to bottom monsters and nightmare creatures. And to think, some minuscule haberdasher made that teeny tiny top hat for nothing. This whole damn time, is Pinocchio listening to Jiminy Cricket? That’s a big fat nope. wait for some magic to happen than it is to, I don’t know, breed donkeys?! Cut out the middle man/child abuse and just sell donkeys guys, it’s not that hard. build and stock a fantasy land of sin with booze and cigars and 3. So you’re telling me that it’s easier to 1. I have so many questions about this business model. After the Blue Fairy bails him out, he immediately finds himself taken to Pleasure Island (gross), where he smokes cigars, drinks, and gambles with other kidnapped kids.īut don’t worry, it gets so much worse! There’s a curse on the island, which turns all the boozed up kids into donkeys, which are then sold for slave labor. I’m not saying the Blue Fairy is a sadist, but she is setting up this poor kid for failure and ostracization, which again, he didn’t ask for. Guess how much kids lie? ALL THE DAMN TIME. Oh, and if being a sentient marionette wasn’t enough of a burden, the Blue Fairy decides that his nose will grow whenever he lies. And can you blame him? All that was waiting for that poor oaken bastard was ridicule and shame at the local school. This is straight up parental (pupprental?) neglect. Why? BECAUSE PUPPETS HAVE NO SOULS.įrom there, Gepetto loses his puppet son on day one because this kid runs away to join Stromboli’s puppet show. She gives him an insect in a waistcoat who is supposed to act as his conscience. At least the Blue Fairy will give him an adorable animal companion to guide him, yes? NOPE. Okay, so Pinocchio has to grapple with being the only sentient puppet and an outcast among the world. Even worse, you’ve put the onus of fulfilling Gepetto’s wish on this poor puppet, instead of, I don’t know, putting Gepetto through some sort of test to see if he is fit to raise a child (SPOILER ALERT: he isn’t). Instead of making Gepetto’s wish come true, you’ve created a living wooden abomination. What kind of half-baked magical nonsense is this? First off Blue Fairy, either do the damn job or don’t. The Blue Fairy shows up and brings Pinocchio to life, although he’s still a puppet, and promises to make him a real boy if he proves himself brave, truthful and unselfish. Let’s break it down: old Italian woodworker Gepetto makes a wooden marionette and wishes it was a real boy. Before King was attached, Sam Mendes ( Skyfall) was set to direct with a script from Chris Weitz ( Rogue One: A Star Wars Story).Īnd here’s the thing: the fact that a live-action Pinocchio film is getting delayed and possibly canceled is a good thing, because that story is a goddamn basketful of nightmares. Tom Hanks had been cast as Gepetto, but no other castings announcements had been made. Said director was Paul King, the man behind Paddington and Paddington 2, who was set to direct from a script he co-wrote with Paddington screenwriter Simon Farnaby. Disney are trying to find a new director, but yeah, I read those reports that Tom Hanks and all those other people, but yeah, they’re trying to get it going.” The director basically pulled out of the film, for um, family reasons. The news came out in an interview with cinematographer Seamus McGarvey, who said to Discussing Film, “I don’t think it’s a secret anymore, but the film has been cancelled over the holidays, over Christmas. But there’s one adaptation that seems to have stalled: the live-action version of Pinocchio.

#LIES OF P PINOCCHIO FACE FULL#

Disney is moving full steam ahead on churning out live-action adaptations of their beloved animated films, thanks to the massive box office success of Beauty and the Beast, The Jungle Book, and Cinderella.

Lies of p pinocchio face